I Was Happier When I was Dumber
I’m pretty sure this problem began when I subscribed to the Wall Street Journal last year.
Columns 2017 - 2018
I Hate Halloween
Halloween occurs only once per year, thank God (or the Great Pumpkin).
Glacier National Park, Lightly Toasted
Locals say that Glacier has four seasons: June, July, FIRE, and winter.
Virtual Photos From Iceland
I can’t bore you with our photos in person, but I’ll bet I can do it with just the descriptions.
What Constitutes Appropriate Behavior
I drink alcohol regularly and drive erratically, not
that those two things are related.
that those two things are related.
Bats Make Poor Pets
Bacardi rum goes a long way toward relieving stress; bat-related or otherwise.
Eulogy for Local Retailers
I’m not completely immune to the siren call of Amazon. It has lower prices than anyone else, right?
Writing Good is an Art
I’m no Ernest Hemingway, but I know dangling modifiers and unnecessary apostrophes when I see them.
Big Sky Skiing Not For the Frugal
The lady said “That will be 135 dollars for a half-day lift ticket. Plus tax.”
Hoping to be a Gentleman Some Day
Occasionally I exhibit all of the required traits, but I still have notable lapses with alarming regularity.
With Brains, Size Matters
I’m at least 97.5% sure my brain is bigger than yours.
Spam - Better Than No Mail at All?
Sadly, it’s usually best to assume that everyone you don’t know is trying to take advantage of you.
Raise My Taxes, Please
“If you feed the horse enough oats, some will pass through to the road for the sparrows.”
How To Be Neighborly
If you live near me, you already know you have a lousy neighbor.
When I'm 64
I’m going to celebrate my 64th birthday on Thursday, if I live that long.
What it Takes to Appear Manly
I lost 25% of my apparent masculinity last month when my chainsaw quit working.
Lots to Do in NOLA
It was my amazing good fortune to arrive in New Orleans the same day of the annual World Naked Bike Ride.
My Sister Gave Me Tinnitis
it’s probably not a condition that anyone considers communicable except me.
Still Time to Become a Musician
It doesn’t help when Googling “time to become proficient at guitar” yields the answer “10,000 hours.”
Something to Watch Over Me
Presumably I’m not the last person on my block to join the digital fitness craze.
Driving Into Pedestrians is Not Cool
My driver’s-side car mirror suddenly exploded a few weeks ago.
Antarctica Trip Worth the Expense
Now that we’re back, I can truthfully say it’s the best trip we ever took.
My iPhone is Stalking Me
I really don't want to make it mad; it knows where I live.